A feeling I don’t want to know

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Waking up to an empty bed.

I’ve done it numerous times when one of us was sick or when you were away on a business trip.

Sitting next to an empty chair at dinner.
I’ve done it a dozen times when you were caught up with an important client in the office or out entertaining vendors.

Driving alone to the doctor with a sick child.
I’ve done it a couple of times but always had you listening into our conversation at the doctor’s.

Watching television alone.
I’ve done it on many occasions because you were stuck in a conference call or had long day and needed to hit the bed early.

I have done many things without you by my side just as you have done it without me. We didn’t mind it because we knew it was temporary and there was no way to avoid it.

It only made us stronger because it gave us an opportunity to miss each other’s company.
But it isn’t the same as waking up to an empty bed a day after your funeral. Knowing your spot at the dining table will forever be vacant. Not being able to speak to you to ease my panic when I’m at the doctor’s with our sick baby. No more warm hugs on our L-shape sofa while watching television. It just isn’t the same.

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5 thoughts on “A feeling I don’t want to know

  1. Oh thank goodness this was fiction, I was getting emotional here. This is a fear of mine, and when my husband was in the Army this fear kept me up many nights.
    Thanks for sharing your writing with us at #MMBH.
    xo

    Like

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