First time parents

First time mom, oh boy!

I was a nervous wreck and a pain to everyone around me after receiving my first bundle of joy. She, my first-born became the centre of my universe. I made it so tough for everyone around me to love her. Too many rules, a strict standard operating procedures (SOP) in handling her and a rigid timetable. I became her Superman, swooping in and rescuing her even when she didn’t need any rescuing.

I said and did things which seemed so necessary at that time because her survival depended on it. Little did I know she would have survived even if I hadn’t done those things but I was a first time mom. I believed I had to.

Was I a good mom? Hell ya! I would have said it back then and if you didn’t see why I did what I did, you would have been speaking to my taut behind. I thought I was the best thing that could have ever happened to my first born simply because everything I did, I did it for her. Gosh! I was so deluded.

If I could turn back time, I would have chilled out a little more and allowed nature to take it course. I would have learned to listen to mine and my first born’s biological clock instead of insisting she followed a strict feeding and sleeping SOP. I would have learned to allow my instincts to guide me instead of tons of first-time parents, parenting books. I would have wiped her tears, hugged her longer and took her back home instead of forcing her to attend a play school at that tender age, when all she wanted was me and not a formal, classroom education that caused her pain because she could not see me.

I wouldn’t have blown my top off for every splatter of milk and spilled food because I was somewhat of a OCD type. I wouldn’t have broken a spatula in front of her when she refused to eat her lunch which was important for her growth and because I didn’t know how else to handle my frustration. I wouldn’t have thrown a fit when a friend pushed my first born’s clothes hung out for drying to make some space for his own clothes while on a holiday.

If only I could turn back the clock but I cannot.

First time parents are a pain in the arse. Don’t be shaking your head in disagreement. We just are and shouldn’t be blamed for it. Caring for a life is an overwhelming experience and these tiny beings come without a manual.

So if you do have to spend a lot of time with a first time parent, be prepared. They will expect too much and feel entitled to too many things. They would expect you to give up your favourite show on tele and switch to cartoon network in order to stop their little brat from crying. They will demand you to change the way you speak and behave whenever their child is within earshot distance. Conversation with them always sways to how cute, capable or special their daughter is. They will cancel on you last-minute because of an unavoidable emergency like they had to capture their first born’s first word and share it with whole damn world. If they do make it outside the house without their precious, they’d constantly check on the babysitter. They will make you travel, always, to their place for dinners. They’ll stop attending your adults only party. After all this, they’ll have the cheek to say, you never supported them.

I was once a first time parent. I know what I am talking about.
Stay clear of first time parents. You’ve been warned.

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